Rubbergirlz, Goat Soap and the United Australia Party. Something for everyone at this year’s Australian Open

If you’re watching the tennis like I am you’ve no doubt been exposed to some highly repetitive advertising – Goat Soap, Rubbergirlz, and Clive Palmer’s United Australia Party…Uber eats, ATP river cruises. Yep there’s something for everyone at this year’s Australian Open.

Let’s start with Goat soap. A catchy little tune that’s successfully ear-wormed itself into my brain, “…goat soap, goat soap, gettcha-gettcha goat on…” What is it? It’s goat soap – made from milk of goat rather than the animal itself (I hope) – but the strange thing is, I’ve only ever seen this ad aired during the Australian Open, and that seems odd. It’s not a big brand – it’s packaging amateur not slick – so how the hell can this funny little product afford so much Aussie Open air-time? There must be some bucks behind the humble goat soap I think. Who owns it? And who do they know…?

And then there’s what’s his name – Charlie Sheen in the offensive ‘Rubbergirlz’ Ultratune ad, playing the familiar role of sleazebag ‘rescuing’ a harem of well-inflated Rubbergirlz presumably primed for his personal use…If I could be bothered to make a formal complaint I would. But I can’t. Oh what a classy ad. See. They’re Rubbergirlz. Women with inflated lips and assets – rubbery, like the product itself. You know. Tyres. Rubber. Get it? And Charlie’s gonna pork ’em. All of ’em.

Then Clive Palmer pops in to let the people know that no politician can be trusted except him. The people of Australia must rise up against them. You know, them. The liars. The cheats. The enemy. The people who will destroy our country unless we do something about it. Get angry people. Okay? And then of course there’s Uber Eats. A company who’ve levered themselves into ‘cool’ via the reliable tool of celebrity status – allowed the privilege of on-court spruiking, neatly spliced into the action so we know it’s okay, and for those of you who prefer fine-dining to the convenience of home-delivered meals, take a carefree, throw-back-your-head-and-laugh gleefully European cruise with APT. Enjoy the company of other middle-aged, cultured, slim, good-looking folk with shit-wads of cash. Yep. There’s certainly diversity of product-flogging in between points this year, so let’s get back to the action shall we? Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!…gettcha-gettcha-goat on…

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